Friday, November 28, 2008

Against Tradition . . . (Listen)

Now, I don’t want to worry you, but in about 15 minutes, it’s going to be time for some serious holiday work. Thanksgiving dinner was the least of it, trust me.  We’re about to enter the high-stakes Currier-and-Ives zone, in which our homes must be seen as cozy cinnamon-scented havens. Unlike summer’s entertaining, when all you need are beer, chips, and a handful of fireflies, during the winter holidays, the pressure is on for our homes to reflect the deep meaning of family life.

We can blame the Victorians for the fetish of the perfect household, since it was with the industrial revolution – when more people began working outside their homes (mostly men)—that we began imagining “home sweet home” as the emotional opposite.  Domestic space was newly expected to be a blissful escape from the cut-throat world of the capitalist marketplace.

In America, our hankering for the home-as-haven always resurfaces in times of national stress.  A flurry of home-making manuals appeared after the Civil War, for example, when the unsettling landscape of Reconstruction left citizens aching for domestic comforts. In 1869, Catherine Beecher, along with her abolitionist sister, Harriet Beecher Stowe, published the tellingly titled manual, The American Woman’s Home or, Principles of Domestic Science; Being a Guide to the Formation and Maintenance of Economical, Healthful, Beautiful, and Christian Homes. The book, like others of its time, argues that women were responsible for saving the nation’s soul through “manifest domesticity” (Amy Kaplan’s term).  Add to this the snowballing labors of Victorian holidays—with newly invented Christmas card-sending and more elaborate holiday decorating—and you can see why 19th century women must have dipped deep into the spiked eggnog.

You can also see why the appeal to “traditional” holiday entertaining is always bad news for gender equity. “Traditional” is really just another way of saying, “Remember how great it was when women did all the unpaid work?” Ask around, and you’ll find that holidays are often when even equitable households slip into retro divisions of labor. Flip through holiday magazines and you’ll see that Victoriana lives, with mostly women cooking, laboring over elaborate holiday decorations, and then appearing in sparkly, seasonal entertaining gear to ensure everyone has a marvelous time, just as in days of yore.

So, here we are again, in difficult national times. We’re stuck at war, in a bleak “hunker down” economy, yearning for comforts of the past. But we’ve also just been through an election in which the majority has voted for the future.  What will it look like?  It’s promising that both Barack Obama and Joe Biden have shrugged off Victorian models of manhood and made their own children and families a priority.  And for the first time ever, a first lady has been promoted from decorating the White House Christmas tree, to Senator, to Secretary of State (perhaps with more promotions to come)!

Gloria Steinem has said, smartly, that women will never be equal outside the home until men are equal in it.  When better than holiday time to practice domestic politics as progressive as our national politics?  And truthfully, traditional roles also keep many men from participating in the creative fun of holidays, too. Anyone who has been around children knows little boys take just as much pleasure as girls in dress-up play – from nail polish to twirly skirts to glittery scarves – it’s only tradition that makes them stop. If we look to the next generation for guidance, we’ll see that in the blockbuster teen Vampire movie, “Twilight,” the handsome heartthrob sparkles. Really – he actually sparkles, just like your grandma. Now there is a man open to new ideas.

So, men?  Liberate yourselves and pick up the cookie press, and at least consider a sequined jacket this year, so you can share in both the work and the fun of holiday frivolity.  Frankly, women may be glad to get out of the kitchen and string the lights for a change. Remember that liberation and love are at the heart of every winter holiday.  As we leave old traditions behind, then, maybe we should hang onto the mistletoe. After all, nothing inspires love like emancipation.  Oh, and cold weather!

Broadcast by April Lidinsky on November 28, 2008
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