Friday, August 14, 2009

Order in the Court

After her outburst, the bailiff removed the woman in the pink sponge hair rollers from the courtroom. Who knows to where, but I was hard pressed to think of any place where the bailiff might take her that the pink sponge rollers would have been the correct fashion accessory. The adage, “When you fail to plan, you plan to fail,” sprang to mind, closely followed by a plan for my later life. As I sat there in the back-benches area of the courtroom, I decided that an interesting thing to do on some days when retirement came would be to go to court just to watch the action. Let’s face it, being in court usually means that something has gone terribly awry in someone’s life, so seeds of drama are just barely covered by the soil and are ripe for sprouting. Must be why there is so much court-based television. After all, you surely remember that “there are eight million stories in the Naked City.”

Maybe you’ve never had to go to court, and if so, good for you. Sometimes though, in my work life, I do have to go to court (This means that something has gone terribly awry in someone’s life.), and I haven’t seen much there that dampens my idea that sitting in court would be lots more interesting than sitting on the couch watching television as a filler for my no-employment days. This, even though I know that real-court is not as fast-paced and precise as television-court. The immediacy is the grabber.

A couple of years ago, one of my life-goals was fulfilled when I was called for and empanelled on a jury. I just love seeing these “your government in action” things, so was eager to have the experience. In a Jane Austen novel, here I would tell you the first letter of the judge’s name, followed by a blank line, but since Michiana is a fairly small community, I suppose that it would be inappropriate for me to do that since you would guess right away who the judge was. In discretion mode, I’ll just tell you that he did all that he could to make it relevant and interesting for us Jane and John Q. Publics on the jury, but nothing that he did was going to make it move along at mini-series pace. It was slooooooooow. Witnesses were unprepared; attorneys, both the prosecution and the defense, asked lame questions and hemmed and hawed; most of the participants, both the prosecuted and the defended, were unlikable; and we, the jurors, were too diverse to come to a unified decision. No instant replays were required. “Your government in action” turned out to be moving in slo-mo, if at all.

Based on both my own encounters and a piece which came to me over the internet not so long ago, I’m thinking that my personal experiences are not all that unusual. The internet message, purported to be from a public defender, advises defendants on court dress and behavior. At first glance, her advice might seem unnecessary, dark, and/or disrespectful of her clientele, but trust me, she obviously has been there, seen the need, and is offering useful counsel for maintaining order in the court. For those with just a passing interest, here are a few pithy tips that the public defender offers: “If you are charged with a DUI, don’t wear a Budweiser shirt.” “Long sleeves are nice for covering tattoos and track marks.” “Try not to be visibly drunk when you show up.” Bathing and tooth-brushing also are advised, as is steering clear of spitting while in court. However, she fails to mention avoiding sporting the pink sponge hair rollers. I can only think that this means that there are eight million and one stories just waiting for our attention.

Broadcast by Jeanette Saddler Taylor on August 14, 2009 • WVPE's Audio Archive
Arts & Entertainment • Customs & Rituals • Sports & Recreation • Permalink • Printer Friendly
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