Friday, August 06, 2004
Leave It to Beaver (The Same-Sex Marriage Episode)
Lately I’ve been trying to determine whether same-sex marriages really do pose a threat to the traditional marriages of the sort in which a man assumes the role of father and a woman the role of mother to the children they’ve brought into the world together. I grew up in a traditional family, so I know how fragile and how wonderful the institution is. I’m not against protecting it if it needs protection. So I’ve been considering the nature of the threat.
One problem prevents me from getting very far along in my deliberations, though. The moment I think I have finally fixed the idea of same-sex marriage in my mind, the definition of the traditional marriage begins to slip from my grasp. I can picture the poster-parents of the ideal family; but I know that the defenders of marriage don’t intend only to defend the ideal case. After all, some of the people promoting the idea of a constitutional amendment are politicians, and you know how dysfunctional some of their families are. Those who would protect marriage don’t wish, as far as I know, to quibble about who fits the definition of traditional marriage and who doesn’t, as long as we’re talking about one man and one woman at a time, or a man who once had a woman or would like to have one, or a woman who would choose a man, perhaps, if she could find a good one. And so, as you see, my mind begins immediately to populate the protected category with families that don’t much resemble the Cleavers or even the Brady Bunch—for example, not only single-parent families, but also families in which working mothers support house-husbands; families in which the parents rely heavily on childcare; families in which the parents are also, let’s face it, children, too, no matter how old they are; criminal families; intentionally and unintentionally childless couples; parents who wish they were childless but aren’t; and also all kinds of ostensibly normal but actually scary families in which children and spouses suffer physical harm and mental anguish. All of these families should seek protection, the argument goes, from the shock of same-sex marriage.
Okay, so I’m warping the argument a bit. The problem isn’t that particular families need protection, but that American society needs to be protected from the very idea of, let alone the influence of a new kind of family. This new kind of couple is, I suppose, worse than any of the bad couples I’ve already mentioned. The problem with this picture, though, is that I happen to know several happy, committed, and very stable gay couples, couples into whose love I wouldn’t mind being born again in order to grow up as their child. “Mommies, I love you!” I might say. Or: “Dad, could you or Dad drive me to school tomorrow?” I don’t believe I would think much about their sex lives. I know I didn’t much consider the sexuality of my parents. I remember how much they cared for me, the security I felt with them.
But I suspect that for many opponents of gay marriage, the real argument boils down to a belief that the gay lifestyle is sinful. The fact is, sin, no matter how you define it, is everywhere, if you bother to look. And it takes many forms, your kind and mine, and his and hers. Consequently, imperfect and terrible heterosexual parents are not hard to find. Let June Cleaver throw the first stone.
But you know how the story goes. Once Beaver grows up and finds a boyfriend and sets up house with him, Ward and June, although shocked and disappointed and scared at first, do finally come to see that their son is still the same old Beaver, and they love him still, and when he speaks about marriage, they can kind of imagine it and can imagine themselves blessing such a marriage. And indeed, at Beaver’s wedding, June Cleaver whispers to Ward, “This is really sweet. And I’m just so glad he’s not marrying Eddie Haskell.”
A random selection from more than 300 Michiana Chronicles -- refresh the browser to see another set:
Joe Chaney -- Leave It to Beaver (The Same-Sex Marriage Episode) / More essays by Joe
Louise Collins -- More essays by Louise
April Lidinsky -- More essays by April
Jonathan Nashel -- More essays by Jonathan
Jeff Nixa -- More essays by Jeff
Ken Smith -- More essays by Ken
Jeanette Saddler Taylor -- More essays by Jeanette
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About the series
Michiana Chronicles is a series of radio essays by Jonathan Nashel, Louise Collins, Joe Chaney, Jeanette Saddler Taylor, Jeff Nixa, April Lidinsky, and Ken Smith.
Michiana is the region of north-central Indiana and southern Michigan roughly centered on South Bend, Indiana.
Michiana Chronicles airs on Fridays at 7:35 a.m. and 12:30 p.m. on WVPE (88.1 FM), the home of public radio in Elkhart / South Bend, Indiana.
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Recent pieces
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