Well, I’m back in Hoosierland. Hoorah! We had a great year in rainy Seattle and an even better time in stinky France, the land that hates freedom. But what awaits me besides good friends, a great Farmer’s Market, and Dairy Queens galore? I’ll tell you what: these new license plates that seem to be sprouting up around me like weeds whenever I go out for a drive. Yes, I’m talking about “In God We Trust” plates. It’s good to see that our government officials have the guts to challenge the pinko, abortion-loving secular humanists who are hell-bent on destroying this God-blessed country. And I was even happier to learn that the people who so proudly affix their love of God and country on their cars don’t have to pay an extra nickel to show how holy they are. Now, I’m not even going to bother discussing the oh so many ways this blurs the whole sacred/secular thing that has done a fairly good job of keeping our civil society pretty civil for the last couple of hundred years. Or discuss why the last thing we need in this day and age is a ratcheting up of the religion divide between us Americans, when there are plenty of nuts around the world who think God speaks directly into their ears—think Osama here—and tells them to go kill any and all Americans. No, instead I just want to say: ...... ..... ...... .....
Now, I try not to blame the drivers tootling around Indiana as if licensed directly by God. Instead, I blame the holy government officials who pushed this ..... bill through the State Legislature. I wonder, just wonder, if our man Mitch had anything to do with this little gift to us Hoosiers, or even raised a finger in protest. But I do know that he raised a finger in trying to help the real holies in our state. That would be the kindly BP corporation–that’s British Petroleum, folks--who got a free pass by Governor Mitch so that they could dump more ammonia and other goodies into Lake Michigan. Mmmm. Mmmm. Good. Can I have a side of that the next time I order some Lake Perch? I mean who needs to worry about that yummy chemical in our waters when we’ve got God on our side or at least on your license plate? Perhaps we should have a new license plate that says “Come to Indiana and swim in .... Lake Ammonia”? Anyway, I was gratified to see that BP has bowed to public opinion and has had second thoughts about the whole dumping ammonia thing. But our Governor remains vigilant against those who hate business. Keep up the good work Gov!
Oh, one more thing about this whole God thing. The terribly obnoxious, but witty writer Christopher Hitchens has a few things to say about organized religion in his new book, God is Not Great. He recently summarized his points very nicely in The Washington Post, where he said:
Those of us who disbelieve in the heavenly dictatorship also reject many of its immoral teachings, which have at different times included the slaughter of other “tribes,” the enslavement of the survivors, the mutilation of the genitalia of children, the burning of witches, the condemnation of sexual “deviants” and the eating of certain foods, the opposition to innovations in science and medicine, the mad doctrine of predestination, the deranged accusation against all Jews of the crime of “deicide,” the absurdity of “Limbo,” the horror of suicide-bombing and jihad, and the ethically dubious notion of vicarious redemption by human sacrifice.
Thanks, Christopher, for keeping it real. But on a positive note, I think this new license plate should spawn some nice rejoinders. Fair is fair, no? And here’s a couple of my suggestions:
“Indiana: where only God knows what time it is,” or “Indiana, land of .... make-believe,” and my personal favorite: “.... ..... ..... Indiana.” So God bless you one and all, except for you holies. And you too .... Double Doppler radar. You never get it right. There, I feel better already.