Friday, April 11, 2008

Skirting the Issue

Well, given my title, you may think I’ll make a political point about primary candidates “skirting” issues, but I submit to you, my friends, that what I have to say may be even more pressing to 51 % the population right now.  Yes: I’m talking swimsuits.  I’m talking women having to buy them.  And I’m talking:  Is this the year to go skirted?

You women know just what I mean.  And, men?  You could go ahead and rattle the newspapers now, or rustle up a tasty snack, because – and don’t take this the wrong way – you’re pretty much totally clueless about what it’s like for women to buy a swimsuit.  For men, buying a swimsuit goes something like: “Uh .. Sure, the Large’ll be fine. No need to try ‘em on. I’ll get the blue trunks with pockets.” Pockets! When women’s swimsuits are made with pockets, Obama and Clinton will be cozily sharing a ticket, and so will McCain and, oh, let’s say Pelosi.  Ain’t. Gonna. Happen, folks.

The madness of swimsuits is that it means going out in public – in the unforgiving glare of summer’s sun – wearing far less than we do to bed with our longtime lovers.  Bright, wonderful women I know who would never purchase skimpy Victoria’s Secret lingerie for display in the boudoir nevertheless buckle down and buy what is essentially underwear meant to be seen by total strangers.

Now, Land’s End and other sensible clothiers exploit this anxiety brilliantly to play on both the intelligence and self-loathing of grown-up women. For one thing, you practically have to have your Ph.D. in Swimsuit-ology to wade through the thick catalogues hitting mailboxes now, with bold headlines promising “Flattering Solutions” – implying every body is a problem. In fact, you can shop by “anxiety zones,” choosing which body part you think most needs to be slimmed, supported, disguised, and, somehow, covered, all while revealing more than most of us care to face in full-length mirrors, fully clothed.

These catalogues appeal to the analytic bent of smart women who are plenty able to critique culture and make empowering decisions about their self-worth, but the billions of choices and categories and numerical charts seem designed to break us down until we might as well be insecure high-schoolers poring over the prom issue of Seventeen magazine. Do you want a soft cup bra? Shelf bra? Underwire?  There are three leg hole styles to choose from, and a slew of necklines and torso lengths, and now the invention of Tankinis means there’s one more category between bikinis and tanks, not to mention the special pages of “slimsuits” designed to squeeze perfectly nice people into a tube taking up 10 pounds less space.  Don’t get me started on the pages of cover ups we’re then meant to buy, to further disguise what we’ve shoved into our suits.

And then, there’s the über-decision: Is this the year to go skirted?  Ask your women friends, and you can spark quite a spirited discussion by asking if going skirted is a sign of giving in, or of being so hip you can pull off a retro look without impersonating those scary old ladies at the pools of our youth in swim-dress dreadfuls worn with chin-strapped rubber caps.  Perhaps the current Broadway revival of South Pacific, featuring mid-century swimwear, will help make it hip to be square, and not the first wobbling step toward old-lady-dom.

Now, I am not the first person to wonder if cultivating body anxiety among women is a key way our energies are turned debilitatingly inward, rather than outward into political organizing, cancer-curing, Green-technology engineering, and the millions of other directions women could be funneling power. Are swimsuit catalogues part of a plot to keep women in our place – simultaneously on display in the public eye, but out of the power of the public sphere?

Until we bring about the revolution, my sisters, let’s be inspired by the beer-bellied dude on the beach in baggy trunks, who gives no thought to whether the keys in his pockets make his bulges even bulgier.  Taking up space, and feeling at home in our skin, is a political issue; don’t skirt it.  Let’s face it, head-on. I hope to see you on the shores of Lake Michigan this summer, letting freedom swing!

Broadcast by April Lidinsky on April 11, 2008
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