Friday, May 06, 2011
The “Marry” Month of May
It’s hard to imagine a more optimistic time of year than May. I’m amazed that any of us can keep from channeling the divine Julie Andrews in the stage version of “Camelot,” twirling among the flowers, belting out the joys of the “Lusty Month of May”: [bring up music]
Of course, that song is about love outside of marriage, but last week’s Royal Wedding has officially launched the quite oppositional summer season of celebrating contractual marriage. That veddy British royal celebration of mostly Fashion Don’ts was a clear reminder of what the marriage contract is all about, as my friend Deb pointed out, as Kate’s father moved her hand to the officiant’s hand, and that distinguished cleric handed it to William. There is no “Lusty Month of May” about that exchange. For all the girl-power talk of Kate as a modern woman, the color commentators couldn’t shut up about the wonderful tradition we were witnessing. Tradition! It’s so … traditional! It’s an argument disguised as a noun, meant to shut down opposition; who could oppose the goodness and values of the past? Right …?
But, of course, appeals to tradition should remind us that the past wasn’t very kind to anyone who didn’t already hold social power. And that is … most of us, actually—all females, all men who didn’t inherit wealth or resources. The most modern aspect of Kate and Will’s wedding, really, was the prime seating of Elton John and his husband David Furnish. They remind us of the charged debates on our side of the ocean about what modern marriage looks like. And what it could be. And for whom.
Attempts to reform the marriage contract date back hundreds of years—a fact I remembered at the movies this week, as the lushly brooding new production of Jane Eyre finally came to Michiana. A key question in the Jane Eyre is what modern marriage could be like – a connection of equals – despite the culture in which Jane is a poor governess and her would-be lover, Rochester, is a rich land-owner. This is not “lusty month of May” love; Jane seeks a marriage of equal minds and hearts, and it’s impossible not to identify with Jane’s fierce cry for justice when, in a flowering orchard at twilight, she berates Rochester for toying with her affections. She rages at him: “Do you think, because I am poor, obscure, plain, and little, I am soulless and heartless? You think wrong! – I have as much soul as you – and full as much heart! … I am not talking to you now through the medium of custom, conventionalities, nor even of mortal flesh: It is my spirit that addresses your spirit; just as if both had passed through the grave, and we stood at God’s feet, equal – as we are!” (281). It’s an almost apocalyptic vision of equality, but in this Victorian story, Brontë has to engineer sudden wealth for Jane, and financial and physical ruin for Rochester, before they can reunite, at the end, as Earthly equals.
My male partner and I were married in this merry month twenty-two years ago, and we tried to evoke that Brontëan sense of equity in our homemade service held in a rustic Isaak Walton League cabin whose huge screened windows overlooked the roiling Iowa River. A friend read a slice of Walden, another read a William Stafford poem about clarity of mind … but for all the spirit of equity in the air, the day was shadowed by my knowledge that my gay friends sharing the day with us could not enter the contract that was about to give us over one thousand legal rights that have made our lives considerably easier, safer, and more economical. How little we have progressed on this topic in the years since … and in fact in Indiana we are staring down proposed legislation that would make it even more difficult to open marriage to gay couples whose visions of joining minds and hearts are as fierce as anyone’s.
In the weeks before I got married, as I worried over the politics of exclusion that I was about to participate in, a friend said, “Well, committing yourself to a partner in public feels like you’re building a little house, a little shelter, just for the two of you.” Now, not everyone seeks this kind of shelter, but for people who do, who among us can think of good reasons to shut anyone out? This is a time of war on many fronts, and I hope we will rage for justice as fiercely as Brontë did. If someone says “Gimme shelter,” channel your inner Jane and throw open that door.
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A random pick from more than 460 Michiana Chronicles -- refresh the browser to see another set:
April Lidinsky -- The “Marry” Month of May / More essays by April
Joe Chaney -- More essays by Joe
Ken Smith -- More essays by Ken
Jeanette Saddler Taylor -- More essays by Jeanette
Heather Curlee Novak -- More essays by Heather
David James -- More essays by David
Elizabeth Van Jacob -- More essays by Elizabeth
Jeff Nixa -- More essays by Jeff
Louise Collins -- More essays by Louise
Jonathan Nashel -- More essays by Jonathan
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About the series
Michiana Chronicles is a series of radio essays by Jonathan Nashel, Louise Collins, Joe Chaney, Jeanette Saddler Taylor, Jeff Nixa, April Lidinsky, Ken Smith, Heather Curlee Novak, David James, and Elizabeth Van Jacob.
Michiana is the region of north-central Indiana and southern Michigan roughly centered on South Bend, Indiana.
Michiana Chronicles airs on Fridays at 7:35 a.m. and 12:30 p.m. on WVPE (88.1 FM), the home of public radio in Elkhart / South Bend, Indiana.
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