Friday, December 26, 2003

The Year in Review

Another year passing, turn the calendar page,
And we start to forget what has been all the rage.
Let’s take Paris Hilton – you’ve heard the odd name.
Now she’s far into her fifteen minutes of fame.
So what should we recall from Two Thousand And Three?
That the President’s jogging has damaged his knee?
That the folks on Survivor, both the boys and the girls,
Will swallow slick slugs and eat eyeballs of squirrels?
That Madonna kissed Britney but they weren’t really flirting –
They’d found a new way to keep fans from deserting.
And the old rock and roller with the rooster-like swagger
Queen Elizabeth transformed into Sir Michael Jagger.
When the Matrix Reloaded all the theaters were packed
With patrons who thought that Keanu could act.
Harry Potter and Frodo showed magical powers
As they turned into their gold what once had been ours.

George Bush donned a flight suit and a helmet quite snappy,
For a trip to a carrier, a bit like his pappy.
As the President landed on the Abraham Lincoln,
He hoped “re-elect” was what voters were thinkin’.
And Thanksgiving took him into old Baghdad town,
For a snapshot of the turkey with troops standing around.
After all of the bombing, the infrastructure was hurtin’,
So the contract went out to our friend Halliburton:
Fix up that darn country, make it better than new,
Pump the oil, build McDonald’s, bring democracy too.
From his spider hole Saddam moved to quarters more spacious
Before going on trial for his habits predacious.
Still sometimes Vice-President Cheney must hunker
In a more or less Doctor Strangelovian bunker.
And tell Iran from Iraq? Most Americans can do.
Iraq is the one whose name ends with a Q.

The Democrats needed just one candidate:
So Edwards and Kerry stepped up to the plate,
Gephardt assured us that he can relate,
Sharpton and Braun were glad to debate,
Kucinich announced that he would be great,
General Clark stepped in a little bit late,
Lieberman thought he and Gore had a date,
And Internet hero Howard Dean filled the slate.
If one drops out early, they’re a table of eight.

And speaking of losing, the Red Sox and the Cubs
Were hoping for greatness but ended with flubs,
And now when one Cub fan walks into the stands,
The announcer must tell him to sit on his hands.

So how did we do in Two Double O Three?
There was detox for Limbaugh and Botox for me.
Some athletes were randomly handed a cup;
The economy finally started revving back up.
We were selfish and shallow; we lived at the mall,
Yet we wept when Columbia started to fall.

We remember the games our leaders have played,
And the life-changing sacrifice soldiers have made.
We remember the struggles, remember the cost,
The friends who are with us and the friends we have lost.
Of the famous who are gone now I’ll name only one,
George Harrison, who sweetly sang “Here Comes the Sun."*

So what should we do in Two Thousand And Four?
Don’t mumble and grumble and look at the floor,
Don’t be just a creditor, write a letter to the editor,
Stop and smell roses, grab gusto, just do it,
Have something to show for next year when you’re through it,
Buy low and sell high, get that pie in the sky,
Live long and prosper, and love the one you’re with.
For Michiana Chronicles, this is Ken Smith.

*Critics of literature will swiftly point out that this stanza is not the first in the history of verse, light or otherwise, to contain a glaring factual error.

Broadcast by Ken Smith on December 26, 2003
Arts & Entertainment • Permalink • Printer Friendly
Google
WWW Michiana Chronicles

A random selection from more than 300 Michiana Chronicles -- refresh the browser to see another set:

Joe Chaney -- More essays by Joe

Louise Collins -- More essays by Louise

April Lidinsky -- More essays by April

Jonathan Nashel -- More essays by Jonathan

Jeff Nixa -- More essays by Jeff

Ken Smith -- The Year in Review / More essays by Ken

Jeanette Saddler Taylor -- More essays by Jeanette